im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
