i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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