if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
