Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
