When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
