You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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