I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
