we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
