I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
