with your own penis?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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