i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
