in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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