i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
