He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
