She said her name was "party"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
