Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize