waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
