If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
