I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
