I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
