your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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