It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
