But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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