Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
