yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize