I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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