Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
