I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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