is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
