So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
