She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
