He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
