I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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