I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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