Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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