i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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