i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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