my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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