The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
