please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
