Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
