i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize