so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
