Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Will you blow on my dice?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
