I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
