Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
