Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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