Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
