My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
