Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
