hell yes lets make some ravioli
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
