lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
