You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
