I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
