I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
