Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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