Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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