is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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