She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
