i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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