Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
