Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
