I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So much rum. So many feels.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
