We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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