Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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