So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
