barbara walters just said penis...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
