Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
