he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
