I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Jerry, you need to find god
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
