EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You ruined the universe
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
