you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
