i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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