Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
