highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
