I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize