dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
