I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I cut my penus on the lid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
