I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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