I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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