Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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