Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
