Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
