Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
