with your own penis?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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