Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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