He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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