yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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