dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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