Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
false alarm. still invincible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
