There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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