My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
