No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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