Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
