All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
