Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
